The primary difference is the age at which we learn key relationship skills. The usual times when an individual may learn how to date, and sort out their feelings about sex, relationship drama and others factors often occurs in mid-to-late teens and early adulthood; after heterosexual individuals have already learned many of these skills. This produces a disadvantage regarding acquired dating skills. However, this is starting to change, as we exist in a world where equal rights and a wider acceptance have become the norm.
First off, sex is discussed more openly among gay men — especially on a first date. While a lot of straight people avoid any type of sexual content, gay individuals broach the subject early and often. Better to wait. The thought of making a wrong move triggers a fear of catastrophic loss. You know, for a complete stranger, Shagability sure has a lot of power over you. He welds your feet to the floor, puts duct tape over your mouth, and fills your brain with popping kernels of negativity.
You know why he has that power? To overcome your fear of rejection, you must…. Right now, you think of Shagability as a goal. Leave with him in your arms or your tail between your legs.
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When your goal is love, sex or both, it feels more like Live or Die. You either get validated by a beautiful guy or die of embarrassment. Meet your goal or die? Read More…. Confidence is the result of accomplishment. By setting up the right goals, detaching from the outcome and enhancing your social skills, you will produce the fuel that powers confidence.
Forget build-it-and-he-will-come visualizations. It comes down to this:. The doing comes before the feeling. Competence builds confidence. Competence creates confidence which increases competence. Approaching, talking and connecting with attractive guys is a skill you can learn. And with the right coaching and content, you can systematically produce results in days. Yes, some people have a factory-installed charm engine, but the after-market installation is just as effective.
Approach anxiety gets triggered by unreasonable goals. Telling yourself you need to go to the other side of the bar and pick up Shagability is about the most unreasonable goal you can come up with. Do you really expect to get to the top of Mt. Shagability without so much as setting up base camp? From now on, this is your main objective:.
The only way to get comfortable talking with good-looking strangers is to get comfortable talking to ALL strangers.
Getting experience in low stake situations prepares you for the high stakes prize. Everyone, everywhere, all of the time. Whether they look at you or not. Oh, and you have to be the first one to say it. You walk into an elevator. Someone passes you in the hall. How are you. In line at the coffee shop.
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Your target is everyone: The waiter, the Starbucks guy. Hello, hello, hello! Goal 2: Detach from the outcome. Who cares! Move your body. Get up and say hello. Get used to acting immediately. Without thinking. This skill will pay handsome dividends. Make people feel special. Remember the last friend who went out of his way to say hello?
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Like you were valuable and worth coming over for. Give other people that feeling. See the hottie in the corner? It will literally open doors for you in your dating, business and personal relationships. Rapport is an emotional bond based on a shared understanding. Act as if you know him. Talk to him like you used to ditch class together.
They talk in statement form or in meaningful questions. Assuming rapport: For every one else, striking up a conversation must be disarming, non-threatening, and most of all, non-sexual. And talking is the first step to knowing you. Which would make Shagability want to talk to you?
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The difference is a concept called Social Proof. In the second, you did. How do they know this? Your friends. The more friends you have, the more perceived value you have. Social proof is a well-studied psychological phenomenon. The movie Legally Blonde has a classic example of social proof.
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Bottom line: Go out with friends. Social proof is the single best way to ensure that Shagability will respond positively to your opener. But wait! Or coming back from a straight function and stopping by for a drink? People never get tired of hearing about themselves. Especially when you can teach them something about their own lives. The world is divided into two kinds of people: Those who take value and those who give it. Demonstrating value is always centered on telling people something about themselves. You spontaneously notice the ring on his finger.
You say: Read More about demonstrating value…. The trick to preventing conversational dead-ends is to jump from one subject to the other BEFORE any one subject dries up. Here, look at the difference in conversational styles between:.
Have you ever cheated on a partner when in a monogamous relationship?
If you are, take the time to refresh and review. You get, then you forget. The only way to get better is to take more shots and play more games. Get on the field. Remember, Shagability is not a goal. Visualize him as that beautiful blue portal I showed earlier. Confidence is the wake left by competence. If you want it, drive the boat. Unfortunately, it may take longer than a few weeks. However, there are some other things that can keep you from finishing first. Being caring or sympathetic is great, but it can be pushed to the extreme. You may want to hold off on sending two tickets to Palm Springs to the guy you went on a first date with last night.
Get creative. Go to coffee shops, parks, museums, social organizations or book stores not just the dirty ones. Keep your eyes open for that cute guy that just smiled at you walking down the sidewalk. Keep your usage in check.